Most people admit that love is wonderful and necessary. And yet, no one can agree on what it is. The problem is, when we don't have a working definition for something, people can do great things or horrible things in its name.
And that's exactly what has happened in our world. Our lack of defining what love is has led us to use it in such a sloppy way that it eventually means almost nothing.
Ideally, our family is meant to provide a foundational definition of what love is when we are children. They model it for us in both action and intention. Demonstrating affection, care, respect, commitment, trust, honest and open communication, and last but not least, the ability to see and be seen by another. This definition of love is VITAL because it encompasses every type of relationship: business, romantic, friendship, and family.
But what happens when the definition of love modeled for a child contains abuse? Where they are shamed verbally or physically? Emotionally neglected? Exploited? Manipulated?
Even if there were moments of care, delight, and affection, abuse and neglect are, by definition, the opposite of nurturance and care. Thus, it is reasonable to state that abuse and love cannot coexist. And yet, for these children, love and abuse become enmeshed.
For most of these children, many of the negative practices they were subjected to in childhood continue in their romantic adult relationships. Cheri was one of them.
She endured two domestically violent marriages that employed every kind of abuse under the sun.
Until one day, when Cheri could no longer overlook the dysfunction and abuse by focusing good moments. Instead, Cheri grabbed her three beautiful children by the hand and broke free from all the abusive people in her life.
